Thank God it’s Friday

 

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I promise I haven’t become a city robot wishing the week away but for this week I was that person.

In the city,

6:00am

Same standing position on the platform to get that sit- I need that extra 30 min sleep.

Get into work, the day goes by, it’s dark outside.

Tube it to Fenchurch street- getting a sit on the train is important to me

& i’m home.

Before you know, it is 10:00pm and it’s time to prep for the next day

& repeat.

I’m thankful that this is not my norm, it is my side hustle.

I am an actress. Yes I said it.

“I act” is my normal response when people ask what I do.

Definition: Impostor Syndrome – Is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.

‘Impostor Syndrome’ a term I’m hearing a lot these days and I realized I have it. I did not feel confident or professional enough to say ‘I’m an actress’ dreading the next set of questions

‘Oh what have you been in?’

‘Have you been on TV?’

‘Eastenders the goal?’

To which I say, I trained in theatre, getting into film and TV now, I write as well.

And yes you will see me on the TV screen, soon.

Timing is everything and for me God’s timing is the best. I’m trying to find joy in every season i’m in, whether it be

Quiet or busy

Single or in a relationship

Bank balance is full or testing ( I’m not using the word broke)

Socially active or anti

There is a reason for it.

I will stand comfortably in it, not wishing the season away but gaining from whatever it’s trying to teach me.

I promise i’m not over analyzing my life, I  genuinely believe you can find a lesson in everything and there is nothing wrong in reflecting over your thought process,  reactions to things and question why or if you can do better.

To say the least, it’s been an interesting week out of my norm, next week i’m back in the rehearsal room and on a film set, the switch over is real.

Day 304 of 365,

You’ve got this, whatever season you are in. Enjoy resting because you’ll need the energy for the hectic season that is around the corner, soak up your loved ones presences and enjoy that self care day, Single? Live your life! The time to be all boo’d up will come. Surround yourself with things that feed your joy and give that joy back to someone else.

I’ll say it again, Thank God it’s Friday!

 

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It’s ok not to be ok

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Friends, it’s ok not to be ok.

I am writing this having felt the exact opposite today.

If you are struggling mentally talk to someone you trust, I say this with great care and understanding that it’s easier said than done.

Life can be hard to tackle and that’s the problem right there.

I’ll speak for myself,

I am still trying to ‘tackle’ and ‘figure’ my life out like it’s a maths problem and it’s not.

It’s your personal script…with it’s ups and downs, twists and turns, with repetition of scenes, conversations and decisions you make until you learn from it but it surly isn’t a problem with a special equation to solve it.

Life is much more than that. It’s a massive field with opportunities and dreams, different people you meet, who you fall in love with, grow old with, have fall outs, betrayals and make the decision to forgive or let go.

In all of this I believe there is One/God who holds our life together in His hands.

Even when you feel lost and want to give up He still has you.

The difference in seeing his grace and favour work over your life is in the decision to lean back and fall on Him mentally and physically.

Take your hands off the steering wheel and let Him take control.

That breathe you just took is proof you still have a purpose to fulfil on this earth that only you can do.

Remember, there is always light at the end of the tunnel but most importantly know that light has always been within you.

Have faith, keep going, even if you feel the exact opposite like I did today. Push through and have someone you trust to talk to.

You are not alone. You have never been alone.

A dedication to #worldmentalhealthday 10/10/18

Bible verse: James (Jacob) 1:2-4

My fellow believers, when it seems as though you are facing nothing but difficulties see it as an invaluable opportunity to experience the greatest joy that you can! For you know that when your faith is tested[a] it stirs up power within you to endure all things. And then as your endurance grows even stronger it will release perfection into every part of your being until there is nothing missing and nothing lacking.